we have officially lost it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
