Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
