before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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