I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this hospital has no fireball
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
