Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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