Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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