i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
