p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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