I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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