i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
