I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
