No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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