it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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