Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
