i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
