someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
