Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
