i wish my penis had a tongue
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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