i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
