even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
