Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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