We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
