i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
