big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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