Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
