I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
