it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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