but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
