You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
