We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
