All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
