how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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