I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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