Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
