after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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