your parents love me but you hate me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
