omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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