In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
