we're blogging at a bar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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