found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
