We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
