He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
