haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
