I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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