You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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