My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
