ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
