this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
