My balls are so social today.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
