Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
