I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
