There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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