just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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