Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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