I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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