Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize