so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
