I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize