i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
