OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
