i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
