Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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