Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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