Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
