she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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