so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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