my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
