i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's blow job season.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
