Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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